Typically I talk about living a spacious life and ways to create space in your life. Today I want to propose the concept of filling up the space we create when we don’t communicate clearly or completely.
Let me introduce you to a universal law called the Law of the Vacuum. The premise is that the universe abhors a void and will rush to fill it. I see this law at play when there is a lack of words spoken between two people, a void is created resulting in a hole or space and, as the law states, it will be filled. I see it play out in relationships when the person on the receiving end of the communication fills the void rather then the one on the giving end. The person on the receiving end doesn’t have all the information, the details or the truth. And there lies the problem and the origin of misunderstanding.
As the giver in a conversation, it is our responsibility to communicate so fully and clearly that we leave no space for falsities. In this way, the universe has no field of clarity to fill because we already filled it with our truth, the full story, the details as they are relevant, and the pertinent emotions.
What I’m really talking about is being intentional about what the void is filled with. If we do not communicate clearly or with clarity, the spaces will be filled by the receiver and the receiver isn’t equipped to fill them with the truth. The result: miscommunication, misunderstanding, hurt feelings, even endings to the relationship.
Communication voids come in many forms. They can come in the form of a complete lack of words spoken. They can come in the form of words spoken but from absence of confidence in or understanding of self. Or they can come in the form of half truths or partial stories because of the giver’s discomfort with full disclosure or vulnerability.
Our minds are busy bees that feel productive if they are completing sentences for others and filling in the blanks and inserting our own beliefs, thoughts and experiences whenever they are given the space. Our thoughts and feelings follow the universal law.
Imagine if you dig a hole in your garden and leave it open. It won’t be long and it will start filling up with something – bits of dirt or rock or rain water. If you didn’t intend on having a hole there, you will need to take action and fill it with the plant you want to be there. You must fill the whole completely or there will be space for unwanted material to get in.
Take this visual and apply it to our relationships. Do you see how this is a good analogy for what happens when we allow the open spaces in our communications with others? People add their own dirt and rocks and water when we intended for there to be a beautiful plant there. Not the same. Not congruent. Misunderstandings and hurt happen.
Perhaps our closest, most intimate relationships are the ones where we see the effects of this most. Because it involves the people we care the most deeply about, we need full disclosure from them most and, consequently, we spend the most time filling the holes in for them.
My best advice for healthy communications…
“Intentionally fill the spaces by speaking your full truth – leave no room for falsities to come in and cause misunderstandings.”
Give it a try and see how your relationships improve! And as always, I’d love to hear about your experiences!
Take Gentle Care,